The life I live between meetings

It’s 3:30 pm and I have just walked in from the school run with my two kids, as soon as we open the door they race to the shoe rack and chuck their belongings around the hanging rail and run up the stairs frantically. Have you ever noticed that is the first things kids do when they get in the house? Maybe it is just mine, so up we went. I have a meeting at 4:00 pm and so, trying my hardest not to show my frantic side, work my way up to get them both ready before I start. One needs the toilet and so I walk them in, then another came running and insisting it was their turn first because they couldn’t wait.

3:44 pm and I couldn’t risk an accident so I handed one the potty to go in even though both are way older than potty age, we carry on, to my horror, the potty was filled with poop and I scream. I can’t believe what I am seeing and smelling. That was it, one child starts crying hysterically, I shoo them into the shower whilst simultaneously taking the other one in their room to cloth them again.

3:55 pm. I scoop what is left in the potty down the toilet, rinse and clean it. Force the second one out of the shower, this time in a hurry.

3:58 pm. Sweating and still wearing my outdoor coat I give both kids very clear instructions not to disturb me for the next 30 minutes and even bribe them with screen time to make sure of it and jolt down the stairs.

4:00 pm and I join the teams meeting, smiling and calm switching into work mode and there I sit, not even a minute to process the ordeal that I just had to go through before the demands of work begin. I have just lived an entire alternate reality between meetings and nobody will ever know it.

What even is ‘working mum’ anyway? For years I had heard the term thrown around associating it with things like ‘powerful’ and ‘independent’. If you ask me I would use the words ‘flustered’ and ‘surviving’. How can it even be humanly possible to expect mothers and default parents to behave in a way that ignores the simple fact that they have children? If we are acknowledging that people have kids surely we must acknowledge what that also means right? That we have priorities, that we have caring duties, that we have responsibility to keep someone else alive and healthy?! How can we just then be expected to go about our professional day as if none of the above exists? I have to produce fresh meals in my day to day life, I have to attend school meetings events that almost always happen during school hours which means I of course will have to eat into work time - anyone telling you they are not is a liar by the way!

Us working mums are holding on by a damn thread and we are just about treading water whilst we struggle to breathe. I always thought I could do it all and it would feel great. The truth is that doing it all is giving me greys and bad bones. Something has got to give, but nobody is going to give it to me other than myself. Today I was reminded that I need to put myself first, I used to hate it when people would say this, I didn’t get how you could be fully immersed with your family if you had one foot out but that is not what it means. Putting myself first means making sure I am healthy, happy and heard so that I can be the best version of me for everyone else and so I urge you all. if you’re like me and live a thousand hours between meetings, to choose to do the thing that is going to make you feel good this week, because one day, you might have to scoop up poop and at least you will be ready for it!